Action Tips For Ally-Ship

Being a Good Ally Requires Constant Ongoing Actions

One’s ally-ship is only as strong as one’s current behavior. And of course, this page is not exhaustive and cannot include all the “right” things to do or say—because often there is no single, easy, or “right” answer to every situation a person might encounter, and the work is always ongoing! Our goal is that this page will inspire visitors to be more aware of their actions and the behavior they can employ to be a better ally.

Take initiative and confront your own biases .

Take the initiative to educate yourself about LGBTQIA2S+ experiences and stories. Don’t rely solely on the LGBTQIA2S+ people in your life to explain everything. Search the LGBTQIA2S+ section of TV and movie platforms, book and audio libraries. Go to museums and art galleries that feature the work of LGBTQIA2S+ artists. Through hearing others’ stories, listen for terms you haven’t heard before and perspectives different from your own. You’ll find we’re much the same! When you hear a new word or phrase, take the time to understand it so you can better understand the LGBTQIA2S+ people in your life.

Learn the laws, policies, and resources related to gender and trans inclusion and rights in your field, organization, and county.

Don’t make assumptions about gender, pronouns, sexual orientation, biology, or story.

Not all people are cisgender or straight, and that should never be assumed. Make sure to use inclusive language and spaces. Additionally, it is important to never assume a person’s gender, pronouns, or sexual orientation. Not all LGBTQ+ people look the same, use the same pronouns, or have the same life story.

Use the correct name and pronouns. Speak up against anti-LGBTQ+ comments, and be ready to educate your peers.

Correct yourself and others when someone is misgendered or anti-LGBTQ+ comments are made. If you don’t know someone’s current name or pronouns, just ask! You’ll both be glad you did. And remember, this is important regardless of who is (or isn’t) in the room. Even when the person can’t hear you, it’s still important to get their name and pronouns correct. We work together to hold one another accountable to a high level of respect and care, and we learn and grow together.

When you make a mistake--which you will, because we’re all human--offer a real apology, without excuses or making it about you. Apologize, correct yourself, and move on.  

i.e. Jo uses feminine pronouns (she, her). A coworker says to you “Jo needs to pick up his medication at the local pharmacy before the appointment”. You respond “Ok, I can make sure that she gets to the pharmacy before the appointment”.

Note: It is always a good idea to make sure that the person you are working with is out about their gender before correcting someone’s pronoun. There may be instances when an individual may choose not to be out. Someone may make this decision for safety reasons, because they are afraid they will not have access to the service, or because they simply don’t want to deal with explaining their gender identity to yet one more person.

Listen to LGBTQIA2S+ voices and be inclusive.

Don’t talk for or over LGBTQIA2S+ people. Make sure to ask for and include them in conversations and spaces, especially regarding things (like policies, services, and products) that will affect them. LGBTQIA2S+ people are the experts on their own lives. Let them tell you their story and the labels and pronouns they like to use. Remember that LGBTQ+ people are whole people--not just their gender/sexual identity! Treat them as the dynamic, multi-faceted people they are.

 A person’s “real name” is what they tell you it is.

When a person introduces themself to you, the name they give you is their “real” name. A person might have been given the name Joseph at birth, be called Joey as a child, and go by Joe as an adult. The way people relate to the name they were born can change over their lifetime. Just as we wouldn’t question Joseph (or Joey or Joe), we wouldn’t question someone else, regardless of their gender, whose relationship to their name changes over their life. People of all names come in all forms, and people of all genders can have names of all kinds—and that’s a beautiful part of human expression! It’s not up to us to decide what it means to “look like a Michelle” or “look like a Stephen” etc. It’s up to us to lead with kindness.

People’s private information is just that—private.

It’s none of our business what parts people have or how they use them. It is always inappropriate to ask someone about their genitals. A person’s body does not restrict who they understand themself to be. No one is more or less a girl, boy, etc. based on what body parts they have. Whether a person does or doesn’t decide to take any steps in medical transition 1) is a personal decision and 2) doesn’t determine who others say they are. (See item above.)

Don’t harass trans people in public restrooms.

Using public restrooms can be a particularly stressful and even dangerous experience for many trans folks. Let trans folks pee in peace. Do not question, harass, or allow other people to harass trans people in bathrooms. Recognize that gender variant people may not match the little signs on the restroom door—or your expectations! Encourage schools and organizations to have all-gender bathroom options.  

Don’t out people.

Some trans and LGBTQIA2S+ people feel comfortable disclosing their gender identity and/or sexuality to others, and some do not. Knowing someone’s identity is personal information. Do not casually share this information, or “gossip” about a person you know or think is trans or queer.  Not only is this an invasion of privacy, it also can have negative consequences in a world that is hostile toward gender difference—LGBTQIA2S+ people can lose jobs, housing, family, or friends due to unwanted outing, and sadly many LGBTQ+ people have been killed upon revelation of their identity.

Outing a person to other staff, clients, or other community members  is not empowering, and it can put the person at risk for further harm and violence. Instead, have a conversation with the person personally and ask them if they want you to tell people they are lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer and/or transgender. If the person does not feel safe in letting people know that they are LGBTQIA2S+ then respect that person’s decision and privacy, and do not share their personal information with others.

Be patient, and don’t try to tell a person what identity they are.

A person who is questioning their gender identity might shift back and forth as they find out what identity and/or gender presentation is best for them. Do not apply labels or identities to a person that they have not chosen for themselves. If a person is not sure of which identity or path fits them best, give them the time and space to decide for themselves.

Offer support.

Make offers to show up emotionally, financially, or logistically for your LGBTQIA2S+ friends and community members. What does that look like? You can ask your LGBTQIA2S+ loved one how you can support them. If they’re too overwhelmed to identify one easy way for you to help, consider these options. Offer to cook a meal, help with household tasks, fill out paperwork, provide a ride, or help crowdfund for costs. Transition-related medical care can often be expensive and taxing, and these offers can make a big impact in their life. Additionally, dealing with the onslaught of discrimination many LGBTQIA2S+ people face in our government bureaucracies, schools, workplaces, families, and day-to-day tasks and chores is emotionally draining. Offer support how and when you can. 

USE ALTERNATE CRISIS RESOURCES when you can.

Research the alternate crisis response resources in your area and when you can, and utilize these resources when appropriate. If police show up or are involved, offer yourself as the liaison for the situation and know who is in the room. LGBTQIA2S+ people, especially queer and trans people of color, experience disproportionate rates of arrest, incarceration, and violence with police and are often exceptionally vulnerable in these situations. A trans person could potentially be publicly outed in such a situation as well, as not everyone’s legal IDs match their current name, gender, or presentation. Serving as a person’s liaison with law enforcement can be meaningful support to an LGBTQIA2S+ person. 

BECOME A STONEWALL ALLIANCE SPONSOR

Sponsorships with Stonewall Alliance of Chico and Stonewall Chico Pride are more than a monetary transaction. Our sponsors and vendors are our partners, our allies, and our friends. 

Whether a business, a nonprofit, a community group or an individual, Stonewall welcomes partnerships with all in our community whose values align with ours. We offer sponsorship and vendor packages for any budget or range of offerings including in-kind donations, volunteer exchanges, and more.

To learn more about sponsorship opportunities please visit us at stonewallchico.com/vendor-sponsor

or send us an email to center@stonewallchico.org.